My husband and I are each seniors. He works full time and I work half time.
Now we have been married for over 25 years.
He lately advised me that he’s concerned in a relationship with a 19-year-old lady. After I pressed him for particulars, he stated that they impart a number of instances a day and have been in contact day-after-day for the final two years.
I’m devastated and repulsed by what he advised me in his very calm however smug manner. The extra I cried, the extra sadistic he turned.
I stored asking why.
He lastly stated that he wished somebody youthful.
I’m 13 years youthful than he’s.
He insists that there was no bodily intimacy, and he was solely making an attempt to assist her.
What do you suppose? Is he simply making an attempt to harm me or perhaps throw me off?
Now there’s an unpleasant divorce forward.
Ought to I simply resign myself to take a divorce settlement as provided, or struggle for every little thing I can get?
I’ve an legal professional who suggested me to determine our belongings and money owed and prepare to separate them, since we reside in a no-fault state.
I’m already in remedy, but it surely hasn’t helped my way of thinking.
— Heartbroken at 63
First this: On the age of 63, you aren’t fairly a “senior” — a minimum of in my view.
Your husband, 13 years older than you, undoubtedly is.
I understand that this sudden change in your life is each stunning and heartbreaking, however I want you possibly can attempt to look on this with the good thing about hindsight.
One yr from now, your husband will likely be yet one more outdated idiot who has met the web lady of his desires — solely to be taken to the cleaners, both emotionally and/or financially — and possibly, each.
I do not counsel that you simply have interaction in a protracted, nasty, and costly courtroom battle — however I do counsel that you simply discover a competent and assertive lawyer who will do some forensic accounting and dig into your marital funds as shortly as doable, and start the method of verifying and dividing them — earlier than your husband has had the prospect to cover, spend or waste joint belongings on this new relationship.
As onerous as it’s to face, this isn’t the time to passively lick your wounds.
Sure, I feel your husband is making an attempt to harm you and throw you off, and if he isn’t actively making an attempt to harm you, then — on the very least — he isn’t attending to your anguish.
Persist with remedy. Consider this as an expertise that you must attempt to transfer by means of, studying as you go.
Earlier than the pandemic, I hosted a small group of worldwide college students at my dwelling over vacation breaks. (My kids attend faculty out of state.)
My children have been upset with me, saying that I ought to allow them to know that strangers will likely be on the dwelling to allow them to make different plans.
Their argument is that they arrive dwelling to spend time with me and never with individuals whom they do not know.
They really feel that is their time to catch up and let down their hair.
What are your ideas?
This system I volunteered with to do that is beginning again up and has reached out to me.
I take pleasure in being a surrogate to the scholars who’re so distant from their very own households, however don’t want to alienate my very own kids.
— Empty Nest
First this: Do your kids know Thanksgiving’s backstory? Your hospitality is what this distinctive vacation is all about!
They’re reacting selfishly, and their primary motivation is that they merely do not need to share.
Nevertheless, these experiences may be very impactful for everybody concerned; actually, two of my brothers-in-law met their (worldwide pupil) spouses underneath very related circumstances.
I feel you must name their bluff. Give them a heads up that you will be internet hosting. And if they do not need to come dwelling, maybe they’ll discover a beneficiant household of their faculty city who will take them in.
“Beneficiant Gram” wrote to you concerning her grandchildren who did not thank her for her beneficiant financial items.
She ought to ty this: Ship a test and do not signal it. After they name or textual content to handle the problem, do not reply.
— Uncle Been There
Many individuals have responded, suggesting this “do not signal the test” gambit. Seems like lots of people have “been there.”
Write to Ask Amy, P.O. Field 194, Freeville, NY 13068, or electronic mail firstname.lastname@example.org.