My ex-boyfriend and I contributed to our family based mostly on our salaries. I’m now owed $23K in again pay. Do I pay him again?

7 mins read

Pricey Moneyist,

Lately, I used to be notified by my employer of 5 years that my preliminary wage placement was incorrect, and I’m due a pretty big quantity of retroactive pay. After taxes, it involves about $23,000.

A few 12 months in the past, I ended a long-term relationship whereby my former accomplice — who I used to be not married to or in a authorized home partnership with — and I break up up our hire and home-related funds on a pro-rata foundation.

He made barely more cash than I did (at the moment), so he contributed about $150 a month greater than I did to this joint account. We had agreed to this association for 4 years of our relationship earlier than parting methods. I’ve performed the maths and this involves $7,200 that he paid greater than me in complete.


Do I’ve any moral obligation to pay him again that cash, or to no less than give him the choice of accepting a few of the cash I used to be retroactively paid?


— Ex-Girlfriend

My query is: Now that my wage has been retroactively adjusted by means of lump sum — to the identical quantity his wage was throughout our relationship — do I’ve any moral obligation to pay him again that cash, or to no less than give him the choice of accepting a few of the cash I used to be retroactively paid?

As a facet word/extra context, throughout our relationship my former accomplice did obtain a internet household inheritance of $40,000, which we didn’t break up up, nor did we alter our hire or residence bills based mostly on his inheritance.

We had been planning on ultimately buying a house collectively, so the plan was that he would put his inheritance in a financial savings account for the eventual down cost on the house. After we broke up, he saved all that inherited cash, to which I had no objection.

He and I don’t actually speak anymore, however we ended on comparatively good phrases, and I need to do the precise factor.

Ex-Girlfriend

Pricey Ex-Girlfriend,

What a refreshing and welcome letter to get from somebody who needs to do the precise factor. You acted in good religion on the time, and also you and your ex-boyfriend divided your monetary tasks equitably and pretty. I applaud you then, and I applaud you now.

It’s not an apples-to-apples comparability, however riddle me this. What would have occurred in the event you obtained that $23,000 over the last 12 months of your relationship? My guess: You’d have put in a checking account, similar to he did with the $40,000, and adjusted your pay going ahead. I don’t assume you’d have given him $7,200 and simply saved the remaining. This is one other windfall, and one which will probably be recorded in your income-tax return subsequent 12 months.


‘It’s one factor to pay a little bit extra each month; it’s fairly one other to take one-third of a modest windfall and allocate it to a life that by no means got here to fruition.’


— The Moneyist

You possibly can ask 10 individuals and get 10 totally different solutions. Give him half! Hold it! Insist he take $7,200! Pay him, plus curiosity! And so forth. Individuals usually deliver their very own relationships (and grievances) to the desk. Your male mates may have a special reply out of your feminine mates.

For all the above causes, I see this $23,000 dropping in your lap because the universe gifting you a secret financial savings account you can put towards a down cost, or another life aim. You’ve gotten each moved on. This cash appeared in your celestial piggy financial institution for a motive. Look yonder, to the long run, to not the previous.

You might be beneath no moral obligation to present him cash. You possibly can not use this cash throughout your relationship. It’s one factor to pay extra if you end up planning a future collectively; it’s fairly one other to take one-third of a modest windfall and allocate it to a life that by no means got here to fruition.

The previous is one other nation. Get pleasure from your private and monetary freedom guilt-free, Ex-Girlfriend. I don’t assume both of you’d take pleasure in dusting off your previous family finances in an effort to steadiness these books. That life is over and, for higher or for worse, that home ledger now not exists.

You’ll be able to electronic mail The Moneyist with any monetary and moral questions associated to coronavirus at qfottrell@marketwatch.com

The Moneyist:When my mother and father died, my sisters and I break up their property. I selected a portray which may be value $50,000. Ought to I inform them?

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